and because its constant

A chapter is closing and one is about to unfold. It seems like everything/everybody’s changing. I can feel it.

I used to think that life is all about school. You’re obliged to confine in the 4 corners of the classroom 5 days a week, 10 months in a year and almost a quarter of a century. And the sole responsibility you have is to make your parents happy by not having a failing mark. That changed when I graduated.

I used to think that my summer routine will always be like that. Going back to Palawan and spend entire summer strolling around our small town, have talks (or chismisan) with someone you suddenly bumped into while trying to buy yourself a new pair of slippers from Palangke, visit a friend’s house unannounced and stay late with what seems to be a never ending kwentuhan. The most enjoyable activity for me is going to my grandparents’ farm with the side activity of swimming and getting honey from bees. But I have no grandparents there now. The house feels like an empty shell, lonely and quiet. This used to be filled with my Lolo’s short stories and silly jokes and (most of the time) my Lola’s sermon. God, I miss them, so much that it hurts. Suddenly, I can’t find enough reasons/need to go back. *sigh*.

I used to think that I’m ok with my recent work. For the past 3+ years I’ve been blessed with a great opportunity in the particular kind of work that I have. But to be doing it in the same environment for quite some time, to some extent I got tired. I feel like I have the same routine everyday and nothing excites me anymore. Not that I’m not thankful about it. Of course I am, in all of it. But boredom has taken its toll and I wanted newness.

I feel like my friends will never change or move away. Thus I realize that the worst part of it is complacency. In which, one does not strive to be better, to be best and is only settling on the ‘ok’ phase. Not that its bad, but how can one know how strong and good he/she can be if he/she does not stretch out the potential and skills he/she might have. And sometimes, the best times these traits emerge is when you’re tested and challenged.

I have this thing right now that I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and see what I’m capable of doing. Comfort zone to the point which laziness becomes tiring. I’d like to struggle a little, to strive (or fail) a little. And If I’m faced with intricacies, I’ll have no immediate helpline but to trust on my instinct and wisdom. Then maybe I’ll realize I’m strong. Maybe I’ll realize I can be right. Maybe I’ll realize that I can.

And in case I failed, that’s a lesson right there and that would be a humbling experience for me. But then I can always go back, and start all over again. Thing is, I tried.

There are only 3 things I consider to be constant in this world. God, death and change. And know what, (I think) I’m now ready to embrace the last.